i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
