On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
