I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
