I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
