It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
