It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
