Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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