Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing