I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass