I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
