You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
