I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!