I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people