omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?