someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
