Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
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this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?