I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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