There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes