I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
