I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
