my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
