Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
