that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
