So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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