I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
