dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
