Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
