hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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