what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
