all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
