I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
