my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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