what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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