Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
