Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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