Buhtt sex?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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