..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
