maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
