I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
