I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
