Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
