Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
