There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize