Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
