Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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