I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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