Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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