I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
