capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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