Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
