well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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