I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
