im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
