Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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