I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
