Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
