ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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