every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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