You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
