I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
