so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
