idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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