sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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