also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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