His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
