Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
