dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
