The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
