Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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