Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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