And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
