That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
