we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
