i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
