He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
