My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
