i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize