just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
