I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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