He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
