i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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