No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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