They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
