you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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