Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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