i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
