I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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