the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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