I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
